“Single on Purpose: Redefine Everything. Find Yourself First.” – John Kim

“Single on Purpose” by John Kim is a refreshing and introspective guide for anyone who finds themselves single and searching for meaning in life. Unlike many self-help books that focus on finding the right partner, Kim’s approach is different—he encourages readers to find themselves first. By embracing being single, Kim argues that you can rediscover your identity, passions, and purpose, leading to a more fulfilling life, whether or not you eventually choose to be in a relationship.

1. The Importance of Being Single on Purpose:

• Embracing Singlehood: John Kim, also known as “The Angry Therapist,” challenges the societal narrative that being in a relationship is the ultimate goal. He suggests that being single is not a status to be fixed but an opportunity to reconnect with yourself. Kim’s philosophy is that true happiness and fulfillment come from within, and being single allows you the space and time to cultivate that inner contentment.
• The Myth of the “Other Half”: One of the core ideas in the book is debunking the myth that you need another person to complete you. Kim argues that this notion is damaging because it implies that you are incomplete on your own. Instead, he advocates for the idea that you are already whole and that a relationship should be about sharing your completeness, not filling a void.
• Redefining Success: Society often equates success with being in a relationship or marriage. Kim challenges this by redefining success as living a life that is true to yourself, regardless of your relationship status. He encourages readers to shift their focus from external validation to internal satisfaction, making decisions that align with their values and desires.

2. The Journey to Self-Discovery:

• Getting to Know Yourself: Being single provides a unique opportunity for self-discovery. Kim encourages readers to take this time to explore their likes, dislikes, values, and goals. He suggests journaling, meditating, and engaging in activities that bring joy and fulfillment. This self-awareness is crucial for building a strong foundation for future relationships.
• Unpacking Your Baggage: Everyone carries emotional baggage from past experiences, relationships, and upbringing. Kim emphasizes the importance of confronting and unpacking this baggage while you’re single. This might involve therapy, self-reflection, or simply acknowledging the patterns that no longer serve you. By doing this work, you free yourself from the weight of the past and open up to new possibilities.
• Cultivating Self-Love: Kim stresses that self-love is not just a buzzword but a practice that requires effort and intention. He provides practical advice on how to cultivate self-love, such as setting boundaries, practicing self-care, and speaking to yourself with kindness and compassion. He believes that the more you love and accept yourself, the less you will seek validation from others.
• Embracing Solitude: Many people fear solitude, associating it with loneliness. However, Kim reframes solitude as a powerful tool for growth and self-discovery. He encourages readers to embrace alone time as a way to recharge, reflect, and deepen their understanding of themselves. By becoming comfortable with solitude, you can build a stronger, more resilient sense of self.

3. Breaking Free from Societal Expectations:

• Challenging Norms: Kim critiques the societal pressures that push people into relationships, often before they are ready or with partners who are not right for them. He argues that these pressures can lead to unhealthy relationships and unfulfilled lives. By questioning these norms, you can make more authentic choices that align with your true self.
• Redefining Happiness: Many people equate happiness with being in a relationship, but Kim suggests that this is a limited view. He encourages readers to broaden their definition of happiness to include personal growth, meaningful work, hobbies, and connections with friends and family. By doing so, you create a more balanced and fulfilling life.
• Letting Go of the Timeline: Society often imposes timelines on when we should achieve certain milestones, such as getting married or having children. Kim advises letting go of these timelines and instead focusing on your own pace and path. He believes that rushing into relationships to meet societal expectations can lead to unhappiness and regret.

4. Building a Life That You Love:

• Finding Your Passion: Kim emphasizes the importance of finding and pursuing your passions while you’re single. This is the time to explore new hobbies, learn new skills, and engage in activities that excite and fulfill you. By building a life filled with passion and purpose, you create a solid foundation for future relationships.
• Creating a Supportive Community: While being single, it’s essential to cultivate a supportive network of friends, family, and like-minded individuals. Kim encourages readers to invest in their friendships and seek out communities that align with their interests and values. A strong support system can provide love, encouragement, and a sense of belonging.
• Prioritizing Self-Care: Self-care is a recurring theme in the book. Kim advises readers to make self-care a priority, not just as a way to relax but as a practice that nourishes your body, mind, and spirit. This includes everything from maintaining a healthy lifestyle to setting boundaries and taking time for yourself.
• Living Authentically: Kim urges readers to live authentically, embracing their true selves without fear of judgment or rejection. He believes that authenticity is key to living a fulfilling life and attracting the right people into your life. By being true to yourself, you create a life that reflects your values and desires.

5. Preparing for Future Relationships:

• Knowing What You Want: After spending time getting to know yourself, you’ll have a clearer understanding of what you want in a relationship. Kim advises being intentional about the qualities you seek in a partner and the type of relationship you want to create. This clarity helps you avoid settling for less than you deserve.
• Healthy Relationship Dynamics: Kim discusses the importance of healthy relationship dynamics, such as communication, respect, and mutual support. He encourages readers to seek relationships that are based on equality and partnership, rather than dependence or control. By understanding these dynamics, you can build stronger, more fulfilling relationships in the future.
• Avoiding Codependency: Codependency is a common issue in relationships, where one partner relies too heavily on the other for emotional support and validation. Kim warns against falling into this trap and emphasizes the importance of maintaining your independence and self-worth within a relationship. A healthy relationship, he argues, is one where both partners are whole individuals who support each other’s growth.
• Taking Your Time: Kim advises against rushing into a relationship just because you feel lonely or pressured. He believes that taking your time allows you to choose a partner who truly aligns with your values and goals. By being patient and selective, you increase the chances of finding a relationship that is healthy, fulfilling, and long-lasting.

6. Embracing the Power of Choice:

• The Freedom of Choice: Being single gives you the freedom to make choices that are entirely your own. Kim encourages readers to embrace this freedom and make decisions that reflect their true desires, without compromise. Whether it’s career choices, lifestyle changes, or travel plans, the power to choose is one of the greatest gifts of being single.
• Choosing to Be Single: Kim also discusses the concept of choosing to be single, not as a default or a failure, but as a deliberate and empowering choice. He argues that being single by choice allows you to focus on personal growth, explore new opportunities, and live life on your own terms. For some, this choice might even be a lifelong commitment to themselves.
• Empowerment Through Self-Sufficiency: Self-sufficiency is a key aspect of Kim’s philosophy. He believes that true empowerment comes from being able to take care of yourself, both emotionally and financially. By becoming self-sufficient, you reduce your reliance on others and increase your sense of control and confidence in your life.

7. Living Single on Purpose:

• Mindfulness and Presence: Living single on purpose requires mindfulness and presence. Kim encourages readers to practice mindfulness in their daily lives, being fully present in each moment and appreciating the journey. This mindfulness helps you stay connected to yourself and your purpose, rather than getting caught up in distractions or societal pressures.
• Embracing the Journey: The journey of being single is not always easy, but Kim reminds readers that it is a valuable and transformative experience. He encourages embracing the ups and downs, the challenges and the joys, as part of your personal growth. By viewing singlehood as a journey rather than a destination, you can find peace and fulfillment in the present moment.
• Continual Growth and Learning: Kim believes that growth is a lifelong process, and being single offers a unique opportunity for continual learning and self-improvement. He advises readers to remain curious, open to new experiences, and committed to their personal development. This ongoing growth is what ultimately leads to a fulfilling and purposeful life.
• Redefining Your Purpose: Finally, Kim challenges readers to redefine their purpose, not in terms of relationships or societal expectations, but in terms of what truly matters to them. Whether it’s pursuing a passion, helping others, or simply living authentically, finding your purpose is the ultimate goal of being single on purpose.

“Single on Purpose: Redefine Everything. Find Yourself First.” by John Kim is more than just a guide to being single; it’s a manifesto for living a life.