Am I Wrong for Choosing Bridesmaid Dresses That Make My Friend Look ‘Fat’?
I (26F) have always loved the aesthetics of the regency era, and I wanted to incorporate it in my wedding. So I decided that my bridesmaids will wear empire waist dresses, like the ones seen in Bridgerton or Pride and Prejudice.
Nearly all of my bridesmaids love this idea. However, one of my bridesmaids (27F) is very mad at me for insisting that they wear empire waist dresses. She claims that the dress looks unflattering on her due to her body proportions.
She has broad shoulders, a large chest, large arms, a small waist, and thin legs. She claims that due to the high waistline and her large chest, her waist appears much larger than it actually is. She also says that that type of dress emphasises her thick arms. She told me that those dresses made her look fat and triggered her past body dysmorphia and insecurities.
She asked me if she could modify her dress to define her figure, but I said all the bridesmaids had to wear the same dress and I didn’t want her to stand out. She said I was being selfish and that I wasn’t taking into account other people’s body types. I said she was acting extremely entitled, it’s my wedding and I shouldn’t have to cater to her insecurities. AITA?
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Oliviamrow said that,
I’m on the fence here. On the one hand, wearing bridesmaid dresses we find ugly and un-flattering is a time-honored tradition and (at least the last time I was a bridesmaid, ages ago) was sort of expected.
When my BFF got married she picked something that didn’t suit my body type at all, and even after buying two sizes up and tailoring it back down, it only semi-kinda fit (I had to tuck part of my tits into the band that was supposed to be beneath my bust).
And I paid $350 for the privilege ($250 for the dress and $100 for the tailoring). I had lost a not-insignificant amount of wait between initial fitting and receiving the dress, too. It was crazy.)
But it’s hard to rule without more INFO:
- Who’s paying for the dress, and who would pay for the modifications?
- What changes does she want?
Like, she wants to add some fabric to the chest and lower the empire waist a bit so her breasts actually fit, then yeah, absolutely f’ing let her do that, ESPECIALLY if she’s paying for the dress. (But even if you’re paying, TRUST ME, there’s a good chance you’ll wish you’d let her, even if the dress looks slightly different as a result.
That dress I mentioned in the first paragraph? One of the other bridesmaids was also busty and she didn’t have the dress tailored, and she almost fell out of the damn thing during the reception when she was dancing.) I think it would be fair for her to pay for the tailoring, even if you’re paying for the base dress.
If she wants to add sleeves, lose the waistline entirely, stuff that makes it basically a completely different dress – at that point, I would get it if you say no and that you understand if she would prefer to be a guest rather than a bridesmaid.
But be ready for the possibility that she’ll still be offended and upset, because on some level you’re telling her that wearing the dress you want the way you want her to is more important than her standing for you at her wedding.
Pumpking_piesaid that,
I’ll never understand this idea that bridesmaids have to wear the same exact style of dress when everyone has different body types. What looks great on a size 2 might not look great on a size 14. What looks amazing on a taller figure might look strange on someone of a shorter stature.
I can understand a color preference for photos, but why force everyone into a box? You probably picked your wedding dress based on how beautiful you felt in it.
Bridesmaids are supposed to be the most important women in your life. They’re not hired backup dancers for your big day.
Don’t you want them to feel excited and beautiful, too?
I agree with your bridesmaid! 100%. She shouldn’t have to spend an entire day feeling upset and insecure because you want everyone to be in such a strict uniform.
Edit: yes, I’m sorry to say…YTA in this situation.
Daisukidesu said that,
I really appreciate the brides who choose the comfort of their bridesmaids over an aesthetic. The trend of selecting a color and letting the attendants choose flattering styles is awesome. You should work with your party to cultivate your vision without making them feel ugly.
Ask her to find a dress that works better but still fits your ideas. And let the other attendants do the same so the variety is intentional. I get you want what you want but she’s a people, not a prop. She’s doing this and spending money and free time because she loves you so much.
Can’t you love her enough in return to just make a compromise? If you wanted perfection you should have held a casting call with size and height requirements and a contract. This is a big favor she’s doing in addition to it being an honor you’ve given. Try to remember that.
That being said, if she’s an incredibly difficult person who is doing this to be dramatic and you expect more accommodations that are not reasonable, you ca
Choppedliver said that,
As the bride, it is absolutely your right to choose the bridesmaid dresses. But, enforcing your aesthetic over the comfort of someone who is supposed to be your friend isn’t kind.
You can decide what is more important to you, and she can then determine whether continuing to be in the wedding party is in her best interest.
LunaMaysaid that,
I’m gunna go with YTA here.
You’re right about it being your wedding and you can do as you please, however
I said she was acting extremely entitled, it’s my wedding and I shouldn’t have to cater to her insecurities.
This is someone who is supposed to be close to you, a friend, a family member. She expressed concerns that make her extremely uncomfortable and you are being rude to her about it, it’s an AH move to brush off her feelings.
I wasn’t taking into account other people’s body types.
She’s right, some peoples body types are just not flattering in some things. You’re choosing something that doesn’t look good, and you could easily work something out to alter the dress to make her feel comfortable but still keep the theme. She’s not a prop, she’s a human being that’s there because you’re supposed to be close in one way or another.
It’s your wedding, you have the final say. But that doesn’t mean you’re still not being a selfish and demeaning AH with some of the decisions you make.
Five_cent_bagel said that,
i’m sorta thinking YTA. No ones looking at your bridesmaids and thinking “omg one’s wearing a slightly different dress”… they’ll be looking at you lol. i’d rather my friend (who i care about and love) be comfortable and happy during one the best days of my life.
just work with her to find a modification/style that works with the other bridesmaids dresses and then put her in the middle of the line up next to you for photos/altar. it’ll look really nice imo, especially if you keep it in the same fabric or color and just add sleeves or a corset or whatever she wants. pick your battles girl, and keep ur friends close!!
Source: Reddit
