AITA for replacing my MOH at my wedding because she refused to buy her dress?
Witty_Tumbleweed_
I’m getting married in Sept and all of my bridesmaids and I went dress shopping a couple of months ago. For some context we’re all in our mid-20s, employed, with no children, my wedding is out of town for my MOH and a couple of other bridesmaids, but I’m getting a hotel room for all out-of-town bridesmaids for the wedding.
I’ve known my MOH since 5th grade and we were best friends all through school. I moved away for college and we drifted apart, but I’d see her every time I came home.
The dress shopping trip was out of town so I paid for the 2 hotel rooms while we were there and I drove, my mom brought my MOH and a couple other bridesmaids a since they still live in my hometown. For the dresses my only requirement for them were that they had to be a specific blue color and no satin material.
We spent the whole afternoon trying on dresses and everyone found one they liked, including my MOH. I’ve been told she picked out a $350 dress when most of my other bridesmaids had dresses in the $100-$150 range.
The next day was spent relaxing at the pool where my MOH began complaining to one of my other bridesmaids about having to pay for her dress. Saying it was my wedding, and if I wanted a specific dress for them to wear I should pay for it, and that I didn’t pay for the bridesmaid dress when I was in her wedding (she got married at 18 and we wore old prom dresses we already had).
My bridesmaid told her I was being pretty reasonable with my request and that she can get any dress she wanted in her budget. MOH disagreed and the bridesmaid shrugged her off, but told me about it later.
A month later my MOH called me and asked for me to buy her dress for her. I told her it wouldn’t be fair if I bought her dress and no one else’s and I couldn’t afford to buy everyone’s dress. She said she is the MOH and that everyone would understand it was a privilege she got.
I disagreed and our argument got a little heated. It ended with me saying if she could not get the dress, she couldn’t be in the wedding and I wasn’t budging on this. She hung up on me.
Her mom has since called me saying I’m being very rude for not doing this one thing for her so she can be there on my big day and that I don’t understand what it’s like to not have money for things. I told her I have struggled before too and understand, but said I’m not paying for the dress because it won’t be fair to all of the other bridesmaids.
I’ve since made one of my other bridesmaids that has helped with all of the planning my MOH and I’ve told my ex-MOH she is still invited and sent her an invitation, but some family is telling me I should have just paid for the dress.
I know ex-MOH is tight on money, but she’s known she was going to be in my wedding for nearly two years at this point so I thought she would set aside money for it. AITA for not paying for her dress?
Now you can read what readers think about Witty_Tumbleweed_ story.
Late_Confidence8101
NTA. It would not be fair to the other bridesmaids if you paid for her dress and not theirs.The most egregious part is the fact that all of your bridesmaids were given your criteria for the dresses and she picked out a $350 dress while the other bridesmaids picked out dresses in the $100- $150 range. Then she wants you to pay for the $350 dress!
If she truly wanted to be in your wedding, she would have save $100-$150 over a two year period. Clearly, her desire was to score an expensive dress that she did not have to pay for. As to her mother’s comment, it sounds like you are welcoming her to be there for your big day – just not as a bridesmaid who won’t pay for her dress.
somethingstrange87
NTA. Sometimes brides pay for bridesmaids’ dresses. Sometimes they don’t. MOH knew you weren’t and picked a dress at least twice as expensive as everyone else’s, then whined that it was too expensive.
Sea-Tea-4130
NTA-It’s common to buy your own MOH/bridesmaid dress so if she can’t afford to be in the wedding (understandable if money is an issue), it’s quite alright to replace her.
Imo, it was shitty of her to complain about the dress to others when that was something she could have brought up to you one-on-one which makes me wonder if she is really struggling with money or simply didn’t want to buy the dress.
Either way, you made the right decision.
Far_Nefariousness773
NAH. I paid for all my dresses. I set a budget and if you went over, you paid the difference. I didn’t have many just 3 and a MOH and the limit was $300.
If my best friend had told me she couldn’t afford it, I would have paid for everything because we are close and she’s my MOH.
As for your response, it’s reasonable. She should have never accepted if she couldn’t afford it when you said they would be paying. I have turned down being a bridesmaid because I don’t want to spend a couple of grand on someone else’s wedding.
I rather attend as a guest. I have been a bridesmaid 2x and it was paid for. People need to have boundaries and priorities for their own pockets. If I can’t afford it without hurting myself, then the answer is no. She should have said no, or explained that if she did, she would need help.
IAMA_Shark__AMA
MOH was an asshole for picking a dress three times the price of any others and then whining about the price. She had two years to budget for a dress. OP has already been generous enough in covering expenses like travel and hotel.
RandomReddit9791
If she was tight on money she should’ve said that upfront and asked if you could help her purchase the dress. She certainly shouldn’t have picked a $350 dress, complain to a bridesmaid, wait a while then ask you to buy the dress.
She’s problematic and you did the bright thing removing her from the bridal party.yar1279
I paid for all the tuxedo rentals at my wedding. It didn’t feel right to ask someone to join me in this special event in my life, but only if you’re willing to come out of pocket to wear exactly what I want you to wear(to be fair, what my now wife wanted us to wear).
Even a cheaper dress still means they have to pay to be in your wedding essentially.
What is your opinion about this one, Is she AITA or not? Please comment here.
Source: reddit
